Long-time Jewish genealogist and genetic genealogy pioneer, Schelly Talalay Dardashti, Hebrew name, Riva Chana bat Mordechai v’Mirrell, has passed over and is now visiting with the ancestors. Actually, she is probably questioning them from a long prepared list😊

Schelly, at left, and me at a conference someplace, sometime, looking at something interesting.

Here’s Schelly’s public speaker biography:

Schelly Talalay Dardashti, MyHeritage’s US Genealogy Advisor, was the Jerusalem Post Jewish genealogy columnist (“It’s All Relative,” 1999-2005), an award-winning blog creator (Tracing the Tribe – The Jewish Genealogy Blog), and founded “Tracing the Tribe – Jewish Genealogy on Facebook” with nearly 82,000 members in 101+ countries.

Her articles have appeared in Avotaynu, NGS Quarterly, The Forward, and Hadassah, among others. Affiliations: co-admin, Iberian Ashkenazi DNA Project, FTDNA; board member, Society for Crypto- Judaic Studies; founding member, Sephardic Heritage Institute NM; and a Persian community liason, Avotaynu Jewish Heritage DNA Project.

While that’s all true, Schelly was so much more.

It was almost impossible to not know Schelly in the genealogy community. I met her about 20 years ago at the FamilyTreeDNA administrators conference, and we’ve been friends ever since. Lifetime friendships and unbreakable bonds are formed in this community. Jim Brewster wrote an article about Building Friendships in the Genealogy Conference Circuit, and of course, Schelly’s included.

I found out yesterday that Schelly had passed, following a brave battle with cancer – a battle she did not share with us. I wish she had for a multitude of reasons, but that wasn’t Schelly. Schelly was all about helping other people.

The Schelly I knew was everyone’s “other Mom”, conference Mom, aunt, cousin, sister, friend – whatever you needed her to be in the moment.

Almost everyone has photos with Schelly – and many of them are of her hugging someone. All of them are joyful. In the photo above, Schelly, Janna Helstein and me all knew that Daniel Horowitz was photobombing us and we were trying to take a semi-serious picture. Now, I’m so glad we all had that good laugh. You should have seen the rest of that series. We were cracking up!

I know Schelly would want us to laugh a bit, even through our tears of sadness, so I’m going to tell you about Schelly educating me about chocolate. It’s just “so Schelly.”

Schelly and I shared this curse, I mean addiction to chocolate. Schelly knew that I have a Jewish ancestor, and when she discovered my love for chocolate, as I was sharing with her from my conference stash, Schelly pronounced us as “unrepentant chocoholics” and proclaimed, “Well, that’s just the Jewish coming out in you.” Then she proceeded to school me about the Jews and chocolate.

It seems that Spanish merchants, many of whom were either Jews or conversos who had been forced to convert during the Spanish Inquisition, had imported cocoa beans and learned how to make chocolate. They then took their chocolate-making skills and know-how with them into Europe. She told me that Bayonne, France was the center of chocolate in Europe, eventually evolving into a chocolate industry, and that the Jews took their chocolate-making equipment into the city center each day, and lugged it back home into the Jewish ghetto every evening.

Who knew. Just one more bond!

Wide Reaching Influence

What many people don’t know is how much Schelly influenced people – their research, and even their life choices. She had a special sense of who needed to be uplifted, and did exactly that.

Schelly inspired people to try and achieve, and she took special efforts to connect with young people, because they are the future of not just genealogy, but humanity as a whole.

She also encouraged them to be kind, but not shy. Schelly spoke her mind and would set you straight in half a minute. That was a necessary skill, given her role as the founder and long-time administrator of the “Tracing the Tribe – Jewish Genealogy on Facebook,” group on Facebook. Right there are more than 82,000 people whose lives she touched. Schelly was everyone’s advocate.

Schelly was a mensch.

This lovely photo of Schelly with Jennifer Zinck, standing and Jim Brewster was taken by one of the young people, Juniper Zinck, who counted Schelly among her friends. Schelly and Juniper had long conversations – the one that came to mind today for Juniper was their shared love of Persian food, and Schelly’s “can do” attitude. Jennifer describes Schelly as a “genealogy rockstar” and Jim, as “my conference Mom who made sure I took care of myself.”

Another testimonial: “Schelly called me on Monday from the hospital to let me know she was in the hospital and her prognosis wasn’t good. I was bawling, trying not to let her know. I’m grateful I got to talk to her one more time to tell her I love her. I’m heartbroken. There’s a space in my heart where she’ll live forever.”

Schelly has legions of friends around the world.

The Too-Late Quilt

About a month ago, I “retired” after more decades than I care to admit of making care quilts. But earlier this week, when I discovered that Schelly was ill, I immediately unretired and started one for her that I had planned to finish this weekend. This quilt isn’t just made of fabric, it’s made of love, and also with pieces from other quilts I’ve made for other people I love. Quilts are like a chain of caring and loving, connecting us all.

I did not plan to be sitting here on Sunday morning, writing this, with my eyes leaking. I planned to be finishing her quilt.

I had heard through the conference grapevine that Schelly wasn’t well, but I didn’t realize how unwell she was. I messaged her, and was asking where I could send something for her. I was going to call her today if I hadn’t heard back.

Too late.

Yesterday, when the news broke that Schelly had passed in a posting by Rabbi Dr. Jordan Gendra-Molina in Schelly’s Facebook group, I knew my quilt was too late to bring Schelly comfort. I didn’t have to hurry anymore. Trust me, I’d rather be hurrying and obsessing about whether she’ll like the colors and everything else I obsess about when I quilt.

This news hit me like a freight train.

I simply took my glasses off and sobbed, sitting right there at the sewing machine. For my loss, for our loss, for her family’s loss, for the missed opportunities, for the conferences that won’t be complete without Schelly.

For the huge, massive, hole she leaves.

In Rabbi Gendra-Molina’s posting, he says, “It is fitting to mention that, according to Jewish tradition, when a soul passes away on Shabbat, it is considered an especially significant blessing. May her name be for a blessing.”

Schelly blessed everyone with her presence.

May Their Memory Be a Blessing

In the Jewish faith, there’s an especially wonderful saying that is offered at the passing of a loved one.

“May their memory be a blessing.”

That phrase offers more than condolences. It’s an uplifting way of saying that the memories created by and with that person will outlive them, will bring us comfort and strength – and that while we grieve their passing, we also celebrate their life and legacy.

So, for all that is Schelly, I will finish her quilt. It’s still in pieces right now, but then so am I.

I’m not sure where the quilt will go, in Schelly’s honor, but I’m sure she’ll guide me from “over there.” She’s not gone, but just in a different space now.

Services update: Schelly will be buried this Wednesday, August 20th at 4:00 pm at La Puerta Natural Burial Ground, 9 Ingreso Dr, Belen, New Mexico, 87002 (one hour southwest of Albuquerque). Rabbi Jordi Gendra Molina will officiate. Shiva services will occur at 7:00 pm MDT on Wednesday, August 20th and Thursday, August 21st at the Hillel House of the University of New Mexico, 1701 Sigma Chi Rd NE, Albuquerque, NM 87106. (You may park in the lot to the east of the house.) I will be sitting shiva privately here, but joining with the rest spiritually.

Shiva update: I just spoke with Schelly’s daughter and explained that a group of genealogists, including those of varying faiths, are sitting Shiva with Schelly’s family on both Wednesday the 20th and Thursday, the 21st, at 7 PM MDT.

Light a candle for Schelly to honor her life and in support of her family. Any candle will be fine. It’s the intention that counts.

Here’s additional information about Shiva. https://guttermansinc.com/the-customs-associated-with-sitting-shiva/

May her memory be a blessing.